I Am Not a Bibliophile

I was browsing through a pile of bargain books in Booksale last night when I came across the book The Little Prince by the French author Antoine de St. Exupery. It was tagged 70 pesos, and I thought that it was really a steal. My first impulse was to buy it right away--despite the fact that I already read it a hundred times and own at least five copies of it stuck away somewhere in my library.

But I didn't. Instead, I placed it on a prominent display for other people to easily spot it. The book is such a gem that I thought it should be required reading in all schools--elementary or post-graduate. If you haven't read it yet, go and buy a copy. And let me know your thoughts as well.

Anyway, the topic of books gives me a lot of things to talk about--because I'm a rabid reader. I read everything, from classics to trashics--well, I even read the telephone directory once in a while. Reading numbers will give you a sort of relaxation after hours of reading all words.

But then, there exist books in my library that made me feel like I'm a literary genius.

Like James Joyce's Finnegan's Wake.

Well, I survived reading James Joyce's Finnegan's Wake. Only to be hospitalized a week later for total exhaustion. My doctor told me not to read the book again, or it would be fatal next time. Now don't force me to give the summary of Finnegan's Wake--or I'll be force to give it. Okay, you really want the plot, eh?

Here it is:

Beddings makeith jared Finnegan higwiga frilles-in-pleurs two-gamers havest likened thou meest senet gorgios mumper of a once walstrait oldparr offwall webbingstone upturnpikepointandplace is at the knock out likely are we are we. Quick lunch by our left, whee. But fahr, be fear! And enthewsyass cuckling a hoyden to go the New Livius Lane where we whiled while we whithered. Conjugarly Finnegan woke up enthesyway whee.

You didn't understand the plot? Well then, go ahead and read the book yourself and see if you can even understand the first two pages. No wonder Mr. Joyce spent a lot of times in the hospital trying to finish the book. It could have most likely killed him, since it was his last novel. But don't be misled by me. The book has been highly-acclaimed as one of the world's literary masterpieces. Ho-hum...

Also one of my favorite books is the Da Vinci Code--although I haven't read it yet. In fact, it's still sealed in the original plastic wrap the way I bought it brand new from National Bookstore. I've just watched the movie version and I think I liked it. So I didn't bother reading the book. Anyway, I plan to read it someday, when I get tired of watching the movie.

I also had the courage to read Stephen Hawking's excellent A Brief History of Time, a book I couldn't read past page five. It was excellently written, of course. It's me who is at fault for not being able to understand beyond page five. And hats off to Mr. Hawking for including only one mathematical equation in his book, Einstein's famous E=mc² . Until now, I have yet to know the meaning of that equation. All I know is that it invented the atomic bomb.

Around my house from kitchen to living room, and well into the bathroom and portions of the roof, you will find stacks of books on virtually every topic: History, Literature, Biography, Religion, Sex, Politics, etc. I read each one of them....if I could find the time to read them. Some books take just a few hours to read, and some a few years.

Some several years.

For example, I am now in my tenth year trying to read Arnold Toynbee's A Study of History, and I think it will take me ten more years to complete reading it. Its a monumental work, indeed, and must take monumental time to read. I plan to auction the book in Ebay after reading it. Or else it would just gather dust in my bookshelf.

Others only take one sitting to read: like Hartzell Spence' Marcos of the Philippines. You can read a few chapters and then throw it away, or better yet, make origami from it. The pages can also be useful as pambalot ng tinapa.

Or perhaps Adolf Hitler's Mein Kampf. Yes, I'm maybe one of the few Filipinos who dared read the book. Actually, I bought it from a friend, who later had to be treated for schizophrenia days after reading the book. I confess, reading the book is like putting a live socket in your nose and getting an electric jolt in your brain. It will make you lethargic for days.

Many years ago while a student in Manila, I bought what was probably one of the greatest books ever written: Albert Einstein's Special Theory of Relativity. Well, my reason for buying the book is not really to read it.

I just thought it was cool to carry the book around and let people be amazed that I was reading Einstein. I even bought fake eyeglasses to complement my act of playing genius. Inside the jeepney, I would feign reading it, and people would look at me reading all those formulas and equations, thinking I'm a genius. Truth is, I didn't understand the book.

Not a word of it.

Actually, according to surveys, only three people actually understood the book. One of them was Einstein.

I have read more books than I can afford to share here. But then, I'm afraid you might think I'm one of those guys wearing buttoned-up long-sleeves with suspenders and ultra-polished hair and shoes. I may look nerd but I'm not a nerd.

I also accept book donations, if you want me to review your favorite books. Right now, I'm still busy reviewing Plato's Republic, Immanuel Kant's Metaphysics, and Boswell's Life of Johnson. I hope to survive reading these books in order to continue with Arthur Hailey's Airport, Sun Tzu's Art of War, Solzhenitsyn's Gulag Archipelago, and Erica Jong's Fear of Flying.

And I also plan to read the Qu'ran someday--in original Arabic....

Meantime, I'm off to read The Little Prince for the 101st time.