Masked Man Tries To Elude Speeding Tickets

David VonTesmar, from Phoenix, Arizona, recently received 37 speeding citations (for a total of approximately $6,700) from Arizona's Department of Health and Safety. VonTesmar, a flight attendant for Southwest Airlines is accused of being caught speeding through photo radar zones, however, he's not making it very easy for authorities to prove it was actually him driving the car.

All of the photos taken of VonTesmar's speeding car by the photo radar system show a driver wearing a monkey, gazelle or giraffe mask. As a flight attendant, VonTesmar travels often and has said that family members and other co-workers have permission to drive his car when he's not in town.

"I haven't seen proof it was me, I don't know it was me. I have no reason to believe it was me, because I would never operate my vehicle in an unsafe manner. Have I worn the mask? Yes. I'm not admitting anything. I'm just saying the masks are in the car. I drive the car, but so do other people. I believe in peaceful, civil disobedience. I am not endangering anyone in the state of Arizona. I wouldn't do that. I wouldn't endanger myself. Nobody likes me more than I do."

On his Facebook page, VonTesmar wrote:

"As the subject of this article, I would like to tell everyone that there is no proof that I am the driver in all of these photos. Several people that have access to my vehicle and have already called in to the Arizona Republic to state that they also drive this vehicle. I am a safe driver with an outstanding driving record. All those that think I am a blatant reckless and dangerous driver are making an uninformed statement using incomplete facts. I will put my driving history against anyone. I operate my vehicle in a safe fashion and drive with the flow of traffic. There has been no admission of guilt on my part nor have I been convicted of these charges or allegations. I appreciate that this is the United States of America and everyone is entitled to their opinion and can freely state it, however, before you condemn me, please get all the facts and make an informed statement."

I'm sure the State of Arizona is going to spend many tax dollars to try to prosecute this guy. Wouldn't it be easier to put a police officer at the areas where they typically find the person in the masks speeding to try to catch them in the act? Reports say that they have had investigators outside his house who have seen him put on the masks.... That must mean he's guilty (note: sarcasm). Let's hope this doesn't start a wave of copycat speeders.... This could become and epidemic! First bank robbers, now speeders? What's next?

Dear Mr. Odiferous

Dear Mr. Odiferous:

You had me fooled. You walked onto the plane in your suit and tie. A man this dapper must smell wonderful. This man must smell like a blooming flower in spring.

NOPE.COM!

I am disgruntled sir. I got up very early, just so I could take a shower and prepare myself for the day. I came to the conclusion that if I was going to be sitting in a big metal tube with wings, filled with recirculated air, and possibly a hundred or so of my peers, I would not want to smell like a 'bulbous baboon ass'.

To answer your question... No, I have never smelled a 'bulbous baboon ass', however, I can only imagine the smell is very unpleasant.

But, no, not you sir. You chose to defy the laws of human courtesy. You chose to sit in front of me. You chose to turn my stomach at 6:30 in the morning.

Sincerely,

Guy Who Sat Behind You On The Flight To Sacramento

Why Don't We Call Them Stewardesses Anymore?

I flew back home from Seattle Washington last night. The flight attendant started the announcements by asking if anyone had lost a wallet, and she said she was holding it at the front of the plane. As everyone looked up to see what the wallet looked like, the flight attendant said, "Now that I've got your attention, here are the safety announcements". What a tricky lady.

I hope to get this guy on my next flight! He's fun and he can find words that rhyme with flotation device. All I could come up with is 'schmotation reschmice"